from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
