I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
