That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
