I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
