if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
