I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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