Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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