And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
