Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
