I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
