be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
