I will die if light touches me.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
