These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
