By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
