...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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