How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
