So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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