I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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