Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
