WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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