Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
