I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
