There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
