When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
