So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
