I seem to have left my pride at pride
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
