Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
