if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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