I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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