I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
