yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
