WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
