I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
