you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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