I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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