picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
