gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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