I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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