The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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