i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
