When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The best revenge is premature balding
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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