I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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