either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
