I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
