I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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