I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
