WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
