I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
two words: eviction party
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
