Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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