Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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