I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
