Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
