Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
