either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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