I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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