Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
