im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
