wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I didn't notice because vodka
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
