I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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