you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
