So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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