i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
