After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
