so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
