We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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