I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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