I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
