I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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