remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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