Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
