the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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