I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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