When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
