i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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