that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
