we're making bets on your personal life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
