If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
